


Don't Break My Fragile Heart

by madamelibrarian, Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Series: Loving Heart [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Caring!Gabriel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad!Lucifer, Upset!Lucifer, bad memories, brothers being brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 21:44:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7239712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamelibrarian/pseuds/madamelibrarian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today is a day Lucifer will never forget. It’s just a matter of how he remembers it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Break My Fragile Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another time stamp!!

April 22 dawned rainy and cloudy over the bunker, and while everyone else was up and about, Lucifer was still in the nest, curled up in a ball of blankets and wings, hugging Mr. Floofles tight to his chest, and silently weeping.  

Today marked the anniversary of the day Gabriel fled from Heaven, unable to stand Michael’s and Lucifer’s bickering any longer. Which meant it wasn’t long until the anniversary of his Fall (admittedly, a much easier anniversary to deal with) and it wasn’t long until the anniversary of Michael throwing him into the Cage until  _ he  _ deemed that the Apocalypse would happen. 

The anniversary of Gabriel leaving always hit Lucifer hard, his Grace knowing the exact moment that his baby brother left his life. But now it was even worse. He had his brother back, and in a much more intimate capacity than before; and it came with his Vessel as their third. 

Were they going to leave him too?

The morning passed with the usual comings and goings of the inhabitants as the Winchester’s prepared to leave for a hunt. At first when Lucifer didn't show as Sam was loading up the Impala, Gabriel offered to go get him so they could say their goodbyes.

“Let him sleep.” Sam finished loading the last bag in the car and gave Gabriel a parting kiss. 

“You'll call if you need us?” Gabriel asked as Sam pressed their foreheads together.

“Always. I'll miss you and Luc’ while I'm gone, but I'm just a flight away.” Sam reassured the Angel and in part, himself.

“I know.” Gabriel whispered and reluctantly pulled away. “Go. Before I change my mind about letting you go and cart you off to parts unknown.”

Sam chuckled as he turned towards the car and sank into the passenger side.

“Take care of yourselves.” Gabriel said to Dean. The old Winchester nodded solemnly and took his place in the vehicle. With a roar of the engine the brothers left the safety of the bunker to put their lives on the line for the safety of innocents once more.

Gabriel sighed when they were out of sight. There was an element of worry that weighed heavily on his heart every time they left. Thankfully, Lucifer was his companion during these times, but it was peculiar he’d not gotten out of bed that morning to see them off. It was a habit of his, both of them and if Gabriel were a superstitious creature he’d wonder what Lucifer's absence was a harbinger of. 

Shaking the darker thoughts from his mind, Gabriel left the garage to check on his older brother. Reaching their shared bedroom, Gabriel quietly opened the door to find the space as dark as he and Sam had left it. “Luci, are you awake?” He nearly whispered as he approached the bed.

 

Lucifer nodded. “Yeah.” He sniffled. He burrowed deeper inside his blankets and hid his face. No matter how many times Sam and Gabriel told him they didn’t care if they saw him cry, he still didn’t like doing it in front of them. He sent a trail of Grace after Sam, telling him he wasn’t feeling well, sorry he didn’t see him off, but he loved him. 

Gabriel crawled into the bed behind Lucifer and gently rested his chin on his brother's shoulder. “What's the matter?”

“Don’t feel well.” Lucifer mumbled. It wasn’t a lie, at least not completely. He  _ didn’t  _ feel well, but not like  _ sick  _ unwell.

“Luci, angels don’t get sick. Unless you’ve come across a spell or sigil lately while rooting around in the storage room.” Gabriel sat up and looked down at Lucifer with concern. “You didn’t did you?”

“No.” Lucifer mumbled. “Didn’t come across anything in storage.”

“Then tell me what doesn’t feel well and if I can help make you feel better, I will.” Gabriel flopped down on the bed in front of Lucifer and rested a hand on his waist. 

Lucifer shrugged. “It’s... a lot of things. Feeling down.” 

“Well laying here in the dark won’t help.” Gabriel said as he rubbed his hand along his brother’s side. “Come out for a walk with me and we can talk about what’s troubling you.”

“Don’t wanna move.” Lucifer mumbled. “Just want to rest.”  _ And hide, _ his mind added.  _ So I don’t have to watch you leave. Again.  _

“Alright, but I’m turning on some lights.” Gabriel snapped his fingers and the room's ceiling was covered in strands of small white twinkle lights that winked slowly in random patterns. “There. Not too bright and gives makes it seem less like a dungeon in here.” He finished with a press of his lips to Lucifer’s forehead. 

Lucifer shrugged and nuzzled his face down into the blankets, keeping it hid from Gabriel. 

“You know you can talk to me and not be the stoic big brother type, right?” Gabriel asked softly, his fingers gently carding through Lucifer’s hair. He hated to see Lucifer like this and was at a loss of what to do for him other than just lay quietly until he snapped out of it or talked. 

Lucifer nodded. “Yeah,” he said softly. His hand reached out and rested gently on top of Gabriel’s other hand, needing as much contact with his brother as possible right now. 

“Good.” Gabriel rolled to his back and pulled Lucifer along with him until the older angel was draped over his chest. “I could read to you, if you like.”

Lucifer nodded and buried his face into Gabriel’s shoulder. “Please,” he whispered. 

“Okay.” Gabriel reached for his book resting on the nightstand and opened it to the marked page and started to read. “Pride and Prejudice… _ ’Occupied in observing Mr. Bingley's attentions to her sister, Elizabeth was far from suspecting that she was herself becoming an object of some interest in the eyes of his friend. Mr. Darcy had at first scarcely allowed her to be pretty; he had looked at her without admiration at the ball; and when they next met, he looked at her only to criticize.’ “  _

Lucifer smiled softly and listened to his brother read out loud, still staying hidden. 

Gabriel paused in his reading to snap up two mugs of tea. He held one out to Lucifer in silence.

Lucifer took his tea with a soft thanks and sipped it. There were no longer tears flowing although tear tracks remained. He cuddled into his brother, content to just listen to Gabriel’s voice and feel his solid presence. 

Gabriel kept reading until he finished two more chapters, then softly closed the book. “You feeling better, Heylel?” His voice came out slightly rough from prolonged use. 

“A little.” Lucifer confessed quietly, resting his head on his brother’s shoulder, almost clinging to his brother. 

“Ready to talk about it?” Gabriel prodded once again, his hand taking hold of Lucifer’s and winding their fingers together. 

Lucifer shook his head. “Not really.” he murmured, squeezing Gabriel’s hand lightly. 

“Okay.” Gabriel stroked a thumb over the top of his hand. It’d been a long time since they had time together like this, with no duties in heaven or research for the Winchester’s. He was at a loss of what to really talk about so he said the first thing that came to mind. At least it related to current events in the bunker. “Did you hear that the human’s legalized same sex marriage in this country?” 

“That was almost a year ago now, Gabriel.” Lucifer mumbled, cuddling into his brother.

“It still happened, and it’s taken Dean this long to work up the courage to think about it. I suspect he will ask Cassie.”  His smile was a little crooked as he spoke. The thought of Dean Winchester getting down on bended knee was enough to make him giggle because even though Dean had no problem being with a man or rather a male, he still held on to a level of machismo that was amusing for Gabriel to watch. 

Lucifer smiled and nuzzled into Gabriel. “Unless Castiel beats him to it.” 

Gabriel snorted out a laugh. “I’m popping popcorn and watching that. It will be the most awkward marriage proposal in history. Unless Cassie ups the ante and asks for a bonding instead.” 

Lucifer chuckled and nodded. “We can hope.” he said quietly. 

After a quiet moment, Gabriel sighed and pressed his cheek against the top of Lucifer’s head. “You ever thought about it?”

Lucifer nodded. “Many times.” he confessed softly. “You?”

“Often enough but I’m not sure if I’m ready or Sam. I don’t want to do such a thing without all of us in on it.” Gabriel turned his head to look down at his brother. “Doesn’t mean I don’t love you to bits, it’s just... this is new... for all of us.”

Lucifer nodded. “I know I’m not ready, even though I want to.” he whispered. “But it’s new, and it’s raw. And...” He stopped himself, not wanting to tell Gabriel that he was afraid they’d leave him, especially Gabriel. The memory of Gabriel screaming that he was leaving Heaven, that he wasn’t their brother any longer, ran deep within him. Tears welled up in his eyes and he hid his face in his brother’s shoulder. 

“Hey now.” Gabriel said in concern as Lucifer’s mood swung around. “What’s wrong?” He shifted around and gently lifted Lucifer’s face with a finger bent under his brother’s chin. “Tell me, Heylel. Please?”

Lucifer closed his eyes and let loose a sob. He didn’t want to tell Gabriel, but Gabriel deserved to know.  _ Do you know what today is _ ? He asked his brother telepathically, trembling. 

“Thursday.. I think. Time’s a little funny for me sometimes.” Gabriel wiped away a stray tear on Lucifer’s cheek. “Unless something good’s on TV. Then I remember the hell out of the date. So what is it about today that has you crying?”

Lucifer let loose another sob.  _ Today’s... Today’s the anniversary of when you left. When you fled from Heaven. When.... When you told me and Mikey we were no longer your family.  _

Gabriel was stunned. He barely remembered the exact day himself let alone expected anyone else to. The events were clear in his mind, like it’d happened last week but the burning ache that always accompanied the memory had dulled over the years. That is, until he saw how it was affecting Lucifer. Now it was regret that after all these centuries his actions back then caused this kind of pain.. “I was scared and angry back then but I’m here now. Isn’t that what counts?”

_ Doesn’t mean it doesn’t still feel like an archangel blade to my heart,  _ Lucifer sobbed.  _ Doesn’t mean I’m not afraid of you doing it again. I chased after you, you know. I never meant to drive you away. I never meant for any of this to happen. And then Mikey blamed me for it and now I have you back and I’m terrified that I’ll do something that’ll make you leave again. _

Gabriel pressed his lips to Lucifer’s forehead, not in a kiss but just for the contact. Closing eyes, he let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, my love. I’m sorry I hurt you like that but I had to go back then. I was losing myself in all of that... anger. But I promise, there is nothing you could do now that will drive me away. You’re mine now, just as I’m yours.”

Lucifer nodded and buried his head into Gabriel’s neck, letting everything out, sobbing almost hysterically.  _ I wish I could do it all over again. Tell Dad to shove his vodka influenced sister somewhere where I didn’t go; not have gotten so angry and upset; not have dragged you into it. I wish I didn’t fuck up so badly that you ran and I had to Fall. That anniversary’s coming up too, and the one where Mikey threw me into the Cage. And I... I just want to do it all over again, so I don’t have to feel all of this pain. _

“I know, Heylel. I know. There are things we all want to change.” Gabriel whispered as he sat up and drew Lucifer into his lap. Wrapping his wings around his brother, he slowly rocked. “And I can’t believe you called the Darkness a Vodka Aunt.” he said with a hint of a smile. 

_ Well, she  _ was. Lucifer groaned. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to be slowly soothed by the rocking and the comfort of Gabriel’s wings.  _ I hate this time of year, almost more than winter.  _ he confessed.  _ It’s like non-stop sobbing and feeling upset and rage and just... sadness. Mikey made fun of me for it, in the Cage. Told me I wasn’t feeling sorry for anyone but myself, and because I do nothing but cry, he took advantage of that. Its... It’s painful, this feeling. And I hate it. And it’s like all at once. Like in two weeks, it’s the anniversary of my Fall. A month later when I got thrown into the Cage. And all I want to do is curl in a ball and cry and hide from the world.  _ He sniffled and nosed his shoulder. 

Gabriel took in what was said, nodding in agreement at parts and when Lucifer finished, he pulled back and looked into Lucifer’s eyes. “First of all, Mike’s a dick. No one should be made to feel less for feeling like this. Second, what we need to do is build happy memories on these days. So when you think of the date you don’t focus on our family’s mess. So tell me, Luci. What’s an item on your bucket list?”

Lucifer shrugged and sniffled. “Dunno. Don’t really have one,” he whispered quietly. He dabbed at his eyes with a blanket, lowering them when he admitted that. 

“We gotta change that.” Gabriel smiled as he whipped up a pencil and paper out of thin air. “What’s something you always have wanted to do? It can be silly, thrilling, meaningful... anything.”

Lucifer shrugged. There were things he  _ wanted  _ to do, but they dealt with changing the past, and he wasn’t about to go testing the Fates. Nope, Balthazar had already done that, he would not cross them. 

“How about I tell you one of mine?” Gabriel offered. 

Lucifer nodded. “Okay.” he said quietly. 

“I want to go to New Guinea and try every kind of candy they have that’s native to their country.” Gabriel said with a grin.

Lucifer gave a small smile. “Why New Guinea?” He asked quietly. 

“I haven’t been there.” Gabriel shrugged. 

Lucifer nodded and snuggled into Gabriel. He traced foreign patterns onto his skin and concentrated on being there with him, in the here and now and not eons ago, when his baby brother ran off and Lucifer couldn’t find him.  

Gabriel squirmed when Lucifer hit a ticklish spot. Snatching up his brother’s hands, he placed a gentle kiss to his fingers. “We should go to Disneyland. A big family outing with you, Sam, Cas, Dean and me.”

Lucifer smiled and rested his head on his shoulder. “I’d like that.” he admitted softly, closing his eyes. 

Chuckling, he looked down at their hands as he toyed with them. “Imagine Cas in Mickey Mouse ears.”

Lucifer giggled and smiled. “No. Dean. Dean can do a really good Mickey impression,” he said. 

“No kidding?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow as his chuckling turned to actual laughter.

“No kidding!” Lucifer laughed. “Don’t tell him I said that, but Sam will confirm.” 

“Just when you think you know a guy.” Gabriel shook his head in disbelief, then looked to Lucifer with a smile, his finger trailing over his brother’s cheek. “Look at that.”

“Look at what?” Lucifer asked. 

“Your smile.” Gabriel murmured. “Always liked it.”

Lucifer blushed and hid his face. “I really don’t smile anymore, it’s more of a smirk,” he mumbled. 

“I don’t know why. It’s a beautiful smile.” Gabriel turned to coax him from hiding. 

Lucifer shrugged and allowed his brother to coax him out of hiding, giving a shy smile. 

Gabriel pressed a gentle kiss to Lucifer’s lips. It wasn’t demanding or passionate. Just a touch to show he cared that he was there, and that Lucifer was cherished.

Lucifer returned the soft kiss, his eyes sliding shut. Gabriel was here, was with him. He wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t Lucifer’s fault, all those years ago. At least, not completely. 

Parting with one more peck to his brother’s lips, he tilted his head to the side with a mischievous grin. “Hey Luci, want to help prank Dean’s room for when he gets back?”

Lucifer gave one of his patented, trademark smirks. “Of course!” 

Gabriel jumped up from the bed and held his hand out to the other angel. This was important. They may have been separated for far longer than could really be counted, but here they were. Lucifer and Gabriel, two of the first born of heaven, together again and if Gabriel had anything to say about it, never to part.

Lucifer beamed and took Gabriel’s hand, hauling himself up from the bed. For the first time since Gabriel fled, this day would not be miserable. He had his brother back, and with everything he had, he would make sure his baby brother never left again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Find Us on tumblr!!
> 
> mindylee- mindyleeb  
> Mrs_SimonTam_PHD- lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell
> 
> Comments and Kudos are Shiny!!


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